#2 THE DEAD COMPUTER

MEDICINE STONES FOR MAKING GEM ELIXIRS

[This is the second of three blogs regarding the circumstances of my birth, the ending of my Initiation as a Shaman, and the beginning of my Apprenticeship.]

In Ayurveda, the digestion is regarded as the central fire of the human system.  The Ayurvedic diet is geared toward enhancing digestion with six distinct tastes, which stimulate digestion and appetite.  Undigested food in the intestinal tract is seen as one cause of many physical discomforts.  This undigested food is called ‘ama’.

In Shamanic Yoga, we see ama very differently.  As we go through our days, our auras or energy fields absorb many different toxins from the atmosphere, and from human contact.  Humans who do not consciously clean their energy systems carry and project a soot-like substance which will cling to the energies of the people near them.  This ama is present in places which are not cleansed, as well.  Shamans use sage to cleanse their Medicine Areas and living quarters, as well as their physical energy fields.  Spirits also carry ama.

After twenty two – plus years of living with my spirits, I absorbed and cleansed myself of many types of ama.  The blow to my energy body caused by the woman in my trance, in the first blog, left a huge bruise of ama in my physical body.  But not only in my physical body, the ama permeated my Medicine Area and home.  Shamanism is a multi-dimensional reality.  A blow like that can affect many things.  I knew it would take days or weeks to understand the many ways it had affected me.

The next day, I sat to use my drums and my ‘singing in tongues’ to cleanse my energy bodies.  Drumming is more effective than sage, to clear specific areas, or to dispel specific types of ama, such as spells or curses, or the effects of actual blows to the energy bodies.  Many things went through my mind, until, by the time I switched to the larger drum, I was able to clear out a vision of some of the ama I had picked up during my journeys to Hades with different spirits over the years.  As I drummed, I saw thousands of human souls, or spirits, rising up from a hillside and coming down towards me, like a thousand small exclamation points.

A few days later, on the 16^th, I was awakened by a ‘beep’ in my dreams.  It had a particular visual shape, which indicated it had come from Marilyn Monroe.  She likes to wake me with a ‘hypnopompic’ dream.  Since the end of my Initiation as a Shaman, she and the other spirits had been mostly absent from my life.  I was left to wonder just what my life was supposed to be like, after an Initiation.  I did my best to return to just being ‘me’.  But little by little, there were signs that the Allies were returning.  So I braced myself for what might come next.  Since they were still with me, I determined to set myself for simply accepting their presence in my life, and see what happened.  I decided to set up a small altar, where they would be welcome.  I set their personal stones there for them, and did things to honor their presence.  I thought I might get ‘out front’ of whatever it was.  That evening, I sat down to use the computer, but the mouse cursor would not move.  I was stuck.  I tried everything, before I realized it was Marilyn Monroe.  She has a way of getting into electronics.  She frequently screws up my computer, and she used to ‘beep’ the door chime in my truck when I had a thought she agreed with; until the door chime broke!  So the computer was dead.  Full Moon was two days away.

The next morning I set out before sunrise for a short morning walk.  Since the two heart attacks and stroke which signaled the ending of my Initiation as a Shaman, back in March, I’ve not been able to walk far, nor fast.  But that morning my heart was just very, very, heavy.  Just heavy.  I had to cut my walk short.  After a small breakfast, I went to the yoga floor to perform a bala asana, much like a prayer position, but designed to bring intensity to the digestive fires.  I felt the Red Sea rising within me.  (Rest, Digestion, Sexual Energy = RDSE, or Red Sea)  It was so intense I had to perform puja.  I knew the spirits were with me.

The next day, Friday, was the Full Moon.  Early that morning, I opened the front door, which faces west, and could see the last of the gibbous moon just above the horizon before sunrise.  I placed objects on my little porch roof to catch the last rays of the moon.  My computer still didn’t work.  So I sat in my vortex to find out why.

As I sat there, I got a vision of Marilyn Monroe.  She was angry with me.  Years ago, when she first appeared to me, the image of her face shone with Glory.  It was ecstatic with the joy of Illumination.  Over the years, after many, many episodes between us, many battles, many victories for each of us, I was able to send her to Hades as a punishment for her ruination of my life.  When she came back, her face had lost its glow.  She has never forgiven me for that.  So, for the Full Moon, she had shut down my computer.

At 4 am the next morning I was awakened as my left foot poked through a hole ripped in my sheet.  I got out of bed, and noticed my sinus was host to a raging cold.  I took some of my Cold Elixirs (Brown Picture Jasper, Carbon Steel, Moss Agate, Purple Fluorite, Rhyolite, and Rutilated Quartz), some Vitamin C and some aspirin, and went back to bed.  When I got up later, I again went to the vortex, to see if I could get more info on my computer.  This time, I saw Nefertiti.  She was angry with me.  By this time I knew that the computer had been shut down so they could have me to themselves, to do some work in preparation for what was to come next in my Apprenticeship.

Early in my Initiation as a Shaman, she had shown me the story of Ui Tada.  Nefertiti first introduced herself to me as “Ui”.  Later, I learned that Ui Tada had been the concubine of the Samurai Swordsman, Miyamoto Musashi.  Musashi was one of my earlier incarnations.  He came to me early in my Initiation, and we worked together on some poems and drawings.  I learned that the spirit who is now Marilyn Monroe had lived in his body at that time, just as she lives in mine now.  Ui was mad at me because of Musashi.  The story is that during ritual anal intercourse, Musashi had beheaded her with his sword.  I am certain that it had been Marilyn Monroe’s idea.  (She later revealed to me that she had also been Jack the Ripper.)  At any rate, the computer was still out of commission.

I went through the day, and later on, sat again in the vortex to check on the computer.  This time, I was reminded of Valentine’s Day 2005, when Marilyn Monroe had wanted to do a painting for me.  She took me out to a pub, where we had four pints of microbrew, and four shots of tequila, staggered back to the studio and did the painting, and, as I remembered later, just as I was passing out on the floor, I witnessed the Monroe running wildly in her spirit body, round and round the studio, with ‘nothing on but the radio’.  What a priceless memory!

I went to check on the computer, and it worked.

The next day, Sunday, I was up early, did some housework, and again went to sit in the vortex.  Out of nowhere, I found myself suddenly very sad, saying, “I want my mama!” and choking back the words as soon as I saw them.  Where had that come from?  I was remembering the situation of my birth, which I addressed in the previous blog.  It had not been good!  I was not happy to be born of this woman!  I went immediately into Shamanic breathwork, to clear my energy body.  I opened up my ‘yinyang’, that center of yogic gravity at the psoas muscle in the pelvis, and from there used the breath to bring a column of energy up through all the parts of my body which had gotten tightened and twisted at the thought of the curses attendant upon my birth.  The column of energy went right on up through my crown chakra, the Soul Star, and the Stellar Gateway, and as it rose, my vital energy went right up with it, and I saw myself being returned to the womb from which I had been born.  It all happened in less than a wink, although I remember it took me several breath cycles to move that energy up through my body.  But as it happened, the ‘voice of seeing’ (from Castaneda) told me that the curses from my birth had been reversed.

JESUS BECOMES MY DAKINI

10.30.12

One of the best things about being a Shaman is “executing the ploy”.  Since there is no guide-book, and all my teachers are dead, I’m left to experiment.  My Allies work their nefarious magics upon me, and I have to find some way to deal with it.  To test the situation, I invent things.  I try something, and if it works, great –I try to remember it.  For that purpose, I keep a log book.  I have dozens of them, over the years.  Sometimes, I actually use them, but not so much recently.

One of the best ploys, and the answer to many of life’s perplexing situations, is the ploy of “Reversing the Polarity”.  It’s like making lemons out of lemonade.  Because my Allies have taken me to the core of reality in ways that allow me to retain my awareness, I have been able to view the world we live in from many dimensions.  Inside the human body are many centers of awareness (no, not the chakras…).  We have awakened these areas, and I am able to access them through sometimes elaborate yogic propositions.  I invent asanas such as using negative space, or stealing the thoughts of the right shoulder.  Many of these feats occur over a span of many moon cycles, or even years.  My Allies help me by maintaining or renewing their atrocities so I am able to refocus my energies on defeating them.

This process has allowed me to bring my own spirit fully into my body.  Most people carry their spirits outside their physical bodies, because they have not made room inside the body for the spirit to enter.  Not only is there no physical room, what room there is is taken up by ama or negative energies / thought patterns / spirit entities.  Besides that, the spirit is actually very shy, and very protective of itself.  Most people live lives which are careless, mindless, and dangerous for the spirit.  Most people know nothing of their spirit.

Shamanic Practitioners make their livings doing “soul retrievals” for people.  I don’t know how effective this practice is, but I do know that such practitioners fall apart when confronted with my energies.  But they hold up much better than ordinary people!  And yogis speak of “body-mind-spirit”, but none of their discourse gives me the idea that they have actually made contact with spirit or spirits in the ways a Shaman is forced to do.

So after years of many kinds of practices with my Allies, I came to the point where it was time to rid myself of their energies and move on to a decent life.  If this meant giving up my ‘powers’, I was ready to do that.  I was simply sick, literally, of having them inside me.  Of the many souls I’ve been host to, Jesus and Marilyn Monroe are the two that have stayed on, or at least the ones who make their presence known.  My previous Despacho Ceremony got rid of Marilyn Monroe, at least for a while, and I was rid of Jesus after he left as my Nagual, months ago.  I was very happy during these times!

And then they came back.  I never really knew whether it would be possible to get rid of them, or if there is some unbreakable aspect of our relationships.  I merely renewed my will to persevere, practice, and continue to invent ways to achieve my freedom.

Full Moon passed yesterday with no action toward a Ceremony.  But I still have time before the Dark Crescent, which was pointed out to me just the other day. 

The energies are different than before.  There are still things that send me into the rage that I need to bring my energies together to perform the Kooti Despacho, and this morning the rage was burning nicely.  But I’m in process of rearranging my morning schedule to get me out of the house by the 9:15 bus, so I can get my walk in and still get back with time left in the day to paint.  My Allies had so drained my energies, and my 70 years have worn me down considerably, that I had found my days lacking in accomplishment.  No energy!

I’ve got the morning routine down to an easy flow from early rising, through Medicine duties, to shower, breakfast, and a short time to sit in the vortex.

In the vortex, I work with my various energy fields, and issue instructions to the Medicine about my situation –a ‘recapitulation’ of sorts.  I organize my energies to achieve certain results, such as bringing together what I need for a Ceremony, or not.

This morning, I felt the energies of Jesus within me.  To my surprise, it was an agreeable feeling!  My spirit was feeling no antagonism towards him.  I had had the same feelings yesterday about Marilyn Monroe.  I wondered what sort of trick they were playing.  But I went ahead with the energy opening breath, the forward bend of compression and opening, and the upward-drawing of the energies from the Earth Star Chakra.  I could feel that Jesus wanted sex.  (Jesus is a fag.) [I’m not.] –I’m a Brahmacharyi. 

I continued to raise the energies, and to augment them with yogic propositions and breathwork, and Jesus manifested himself further and further.  I gave him permission to do what he wanted.  He immediately occupied my frontal column, as my Dakini, seated with his spine against my chest, the opposite of the way a woman would sit.  He began to draw energies through his base chakra, in the form of various sigils and signs, and my frontal column opened further, until we became One.  The sigils and signs were now within me.  The light exploded within us.  The energy polarity between us has been reversed.  The gays call it ‘topping from the bottom’.  I love it when a plan comes together.

At the bus stop, the heavy gray clouds parted slightly, and the face of the Deer Goddess, all white and shining, smiled down upon me.